I remember the night I got my call... friends and family were gathered around... I had prayed that I would go somewhere foreign... where I'd speak another language... and that I'd baptize every week! And well... I didn't get any of that.
I'll go where you want me to go, dear Lord,
Over mountain or plain or sea;
I'll say what you want me to say, dear Lord;
I'll be what you want me to be.
I didn't want to go where HE wanted me to go, nor did I want to say what he wanted me to say. I wanted out of the country, and to learn a language with the rest of my buddies... but HE had something greater in store for me. I opened my call, and unsuccessfully tried to hide my disappointment, but it was pretty obvious that it would be hard for me to be what he wanted me to be. I swallowed my pride, and left.
It may not be on the mountain height
Or over the stormy sea,
It may not be at the battle's front
My Lord will have need of me.
But if, by a still, small voice he calls
To paths that I do not know,
I'll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in thine:
I'll go where you want me to go.
I arrived in Texas, and the disappointment still hadn't left. In fact, the disappointment got worse and worse. I faked it, and hoped that I would make it. Over time I began to change... but it wasn't my mission that was changing me ( I know plenty of 'Missionaries' who go two years without changing ), it was the gospel. It was the Savior. It was the atonement. I learned how to repent, and he taught me how to be happy.
There's surely somewhere a lowly place
In earth's harvest fields so wide
Where I may labor through life's short day
For Jesus, the Crucified.
So trusting my all to thy tender care,
And knowing thou lovest me,
I'll do thy will with a heart sincere:
I'll be what you want me to be.
I've served in plenty of lowly places... I owe a lot of what I am to the seemingly podunk town of Ft. Stockton. 5,000 people, probably just as many pump jacks, and lots of dust. That is the place that I learned to change. That is the place that God refined me. That is the place where I got to know the Savior. He lives.
I'll go where you want me to go, dear Lord,
Over mountain or plain or sea;
I'll say what you want me to say, dear Lord;
I'll be what you want me to be.
Now the Lord is calling me to a new area, and this time I'll go without disappointment. HE knows where I need to be, and he has a plan specifically for me.
When I got my transfer call a few nights ago, a good friend of mine reported, "Elder Johnson, you will be transferred to Las Vegas... and you are to find your new companion without delay!"
As the missionary handbook states:
Transfers. Unless otherwise directed by your mission president, go directly to your new area when you are transferred and meet your new companion without delay. HAha
I've failed, and I've grown. I've loved, and I've hurt; but through the trials, I understand a little more about who the Savior is, and how he feels about me. Teddy Roosevelt once said: It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
I will be forever grateful to those companions, priesthood leaders, and others whom I have met on the way that have forever changed who I am. I love the Lord, and I love His gospel.
Signing out,
Elder Carter Johnson
No comments:
Post a Comment